Hi, my name is Rick.

Let me set the stage.  My roommate Lincoln got a phishing email from someone with a great business opportunity for him.  He found it in his spam folder.  He read it to me.  I decided it was our responsibility, our duty, to respond to the offer.  There was an initial mass form email which initially caught our attention.  Unfortunately we were unable to locate the original back and forth so I’m forced to start the postings with his reply to our initial response to the mass phishing email.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.  It’s a serial.

On 2/12/10, Michael Collins wrote:

“Dear Mr. Ward,

I am in receipt of your response in which you indicate your interest in the business proposal. In my second message to you will consists of my client’s identification(s) for you to know him in person. And i would like you to make available your full details/data for my perusal.

Secondly, my clients is currently in asylum here in England from Haiti; that’s why i am contacting you on his behalf because he cannot be able to do things his own way.

SOURCE OF THE FUNDS

Thirdly, on Wednesday June 16, 2004; their Lordships, Rt. Hon. Lord Queremos Eligir (Presiding Justice), Rt. Hon. Lord Antonio Chavez, Rt. Hon. Lord Gilberto Miguez (Appeal No: FCA/V/4018/0); the case of MSSRS EUGENIA MORIENTES OF MPRIENTES & PARTNERS and my client (MR. JOSEPH YOHANNA HOPONU) was in favour of my clients and Mssrs Eugenia Morientes of Mprientes & Partners) was ordered to pay my client the payment of US$15,381,000 Million due for the products he supplied to them. (See Documents for your records) Confirmed receipt!

Sequel to the above, my clients have decided to front you to represent him in making the claims, since the maturity of the deposits have been due. Note that “Power of Attorney” will be assign to you from this chambers on behalf of my client: and all the conditions will be stated clearly for better understanding of both parties. With all due respect sir, we implore you to tell us more about you and also forward all the required data as follows to enable this chambers review and endorse the papers upon the agreement of both parties. My clients has agreed on the ratio of 65% for investment, 30% for you and 5% to cover all expenditures therein respectively.

a) Your full name and address
b) Your telephone number(s) for communication
c) Your identification
d) Your occupation/age

Finally, we await for your prompt action.

Regards,
Michael.”

The following is the “client’s identification(s) for you to know him in person” which this guy sent as evidence of his validity.  Please really take a good look at it.  It is spectacular.  And convincing.

On Sun, Feb 14, 2010 at 3:47 PM, Rick wrote:

“Mr. Collins,

Thanks you so much for your quickly response. I’m sorry if I didn’t write you back more sooner. I have heard a lot about scams on the internets and I am very nervous about good deals–even if they are good! I am very, very interested in learning more about your business proposals. I have read the documentaries you provided for me to read and learn about for my own learning about your business. I really like what I see. However, there is something I need to tell you. My real name is Leonardo Shukran. I made a gmail address that sounded like a real name to keep scammers on the internets from finding me and my business. When I read your email though, I knew it was real. That is why I wrote you back. I have read the official government documentaries you sent and they are very good. I have decided to continue to work with you to ensure our most business profitability stock market earnings. Please find the necessary informations below.

Full Name: Leonardo Matilda Shukran
Telephone #: I do not have a telephone number that can be released just yet because of my job.
Identification: You yell “Ooyester” and I’ll respond “Excite!” and then that’s how you’ll know it’s me. (When we meet for the business meeting of course!)
Occupation: The Goverment
Age: 48

Please Michael, let me know what else I need to do to continue with your offer. Thank you so much for the oportunity!

V/R,
Leonardo”

And so it began.  It only got better from here.  Stay tuned.

Leonardo Matilda Shukran

A few funny things have happened here recently.

First, Eva was nominated by her co-workers to be the President of the COB Adder Curling Fan Club.  Her name went out in a publication which is sent to thousands of people as the point of contact for the club.  Needless to say, Eva did not realize that she was being volunteered for the position.  Fortunately there are about as many curling fans in Iraq as there are in the rest of the world so no one has asked her where the club meets.  Yet.

Second, my roommate received a phishing email from someone claiming to be from Haiti.  He said we were eligible to receive a portion of the $15 million payout which his “firm” had recently received.  Obviously we wrote him back.  I will be publishing the email correspondence here in the next few days.  He hasn’t written back recently.  I think it’s because I insisted that we start using code names.  It’s quite the read, let me tell you.

The photo today is of a little girl in pink.

Iraq

So I went out on a patrol the other day, which, as a staff officer, I admittedly don’t do very often at all.  I went out to inspect an Iraqi Department of Border Enforcement (DBE) border fort.  A contractor from Baghdad completed some repairs and improvements which you fine readers paid for.  They thank you.  On the way, as I bounced along in the backseat of the humvee, I saw some of the country.  For my newer readers, I’m located about 35km or so away from the Iran/Iraq border near the city of Amarrah and even nearer to the city of Majarr al Kabir.  We drove out toward the border to inspect the fort and passed through a few small villages along the way.  You can’t even fathom how a lot of these people out near the border live.  Dirt floors.  No electricity.  No water.  Feral dogs everywhere.  Houses made of woven reeds.  More children than you can count.  Skinny, sickly looking cows wandering in and out of the reed houses.  Dirt roads.  No plumbing.  Trash strewn all over the ground.  Children covered in dirt.  It’s incredible.  And unimaginable.  So when you think you’ve got it bad because you’re stuck in traffic or because you ran out of CoffeeMate, remember that you’re driving back to a house and that you can go to a supermarket.  This place is terrible.

I wrote this update with my headphones on.  As I finished typing the above paragraph, I realized that my roommates were talking next to me.  I took off my headphones to hear what they were talking about and I heard one of them say “The other day a sheikh asked me if he could have our trash… I said no.”  I can’t make this stuff up.

My next three or four posts will be pictures from my little adventure.  The theme today is women.

Iraq

In the film “The Patriot,” Mel Gibson is the star and hero.  He puts together a group of citizen fighters fixated on defeating the oppressive and occupying British forces.  Translation: he puts together an insurgency.  He bucks the norms of fighting at the time, relying instead upon a more mobile, more unpredictable, more effective means of defeating an otherwise undefeatable force.  Rather interesting.  On that note, I’ve always thought that an IED is really nothing more than a Claymore mine.  (Granted, in American doctrine the detonation of a Claymore is generally followed up with small arms fire when used in the context of an ambush as I’m using it here, but the point is the same.  That being said, this same doctrine I speak of is conventional and we’re fighting an unconventional war.)  If you are a true patriot in Iraq or Afghanistan, I suppose you’re on the side to remove the American “occupying” force.  If a foreign Army were in Chicago, I’d like to think I’d be setting up impromptu Claymores as well.  I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s all about perception.  That being said, once you meet the Iraqi people, you learn pretty quickly that patriots are pretty few and far between.  It’s not really a patriotic culture.  Plus there aren’t a whole lot of Wal-Marts around here.  Everyone knows Wal-Mart has the highest concentration of patriots in the world.  They wear American flag screen print shirts and NASCAR hats.

On a similar note, this article, by a guy named Colonel Paul Yingling, was a hot topic in 2007.  I think it’s just as interesting now.  He has another article out now as well which was quoted in some other open source news outlets and seems equally as interesting.  He graduated from my parents’ alma mater, Duquesne University in Pittsburgh, in 1989.  A guy named Yingling that went to Duquesne.  Weird.

The photo today is of some reflecting sunlight under a bridge in Ghent.

Ghent, Belgium