Hi, my name is Rick.

I have a bug net around my bed.

[The following events took less than 2 minutes to actually occur.]  I walked into my room, or, should I say our room, not too long ago.  Same as any other day.  Walk past the TV, past the couch, past the “kitchen table” full of dirty dishes and unused flatware, past the locker of food, and into the back portion of the room.  This is where my bed is.  Across the room, nary eight feet away sits Mitch’s bed–Mitch was the one stung by the scorpion.  Diagonal from my bed, and in what would be considered the common area of the room, sits Lincoln’s bed across the room from the couch.  I walked past all these things like I always do en route to my little living area, my little place in the world, my little spot with my stuff.  I walked toward my computer, the very computer on which I’m typing now.  My screensaver wasn’t on, which meant someone had been on my computer recently.  This in and of itself isn’t too strange.  In a room of three guys, with well documented finicky internet, one person’s internet can go down while someone else’s works.  That could have been the case.  But it wasn’t.  Being that my screensaver wasn’t on, I could see what could have been misconstrued as my wallpaper.  They say possession is 9/10 of the law.  My screensaver, you see, had been a black and white shot I took of my beautiful wife.  You see, she’s a soft and delicate woman, feminine in every way, from her free-flowing strands of hair to her high cheekbones and soft skin.  This was not the photo at which I looked.  I didn’t know exactly what I was looking at.  The wallpaper was different but familiar.  On second thought it seemed the wallpaper wasn’t what was familiar, but rather the scene in the photo which now graced my computer’s background was what was familiar.  The background looked like my little place in the world, my little spot with my stuff.  And my bed.  I knew upon further examination that the bed was mine because my bed is very easy to distinguish from other beds.  I have a bug net around my bed.  A green bug net which usually keeps disgusting little critters out of my sleeping sanctuary.  A reading lamp which is attached to my bed was on, shining unnecesary light on the situation.  The lamp illuminated a man.  A man laying in my bed.  A man laying in my bed posed and giving the camera a “come hither” look.  Oh, and he was naked.  The picture showed a naked man laying in my bed seducing the camera with his eyes.  The man was Lincoln.  The photographer, one can logically deduce, was Mitch.  I changed the background as fast as humanly possible.  In hindsight I should have screen-captured it as it was the only evidence that existed–the original photo had been promptly deleted.  Hopefully Lincoln matured in the month between posing for that photo and now; he’s on his way home to be with his wife for the birth of their daughter.  Needless to say the little prank was worth more than a few laughs.  I thought growing up meant we would all get more mature.  I guess it really just means you get older.

The photo today is of my aforementioned beautful wife in Korea.

Eva, Iraq

Literally.  Have been for two days.

The shot today is of the Rathaus-Glockenspiel clock tower in Munich, Germany.  We waited for hours for something amazing to happen but nothing did.  I thought the Germans were more dependable.

Munich, Germany

Paul Tanghe, one of my good friends from Korea and a Groomsman in my wedding, is starting the drawn out process of re-deploying from Afghanistan to the US.  He (along with my friends Taib Grozdanic and Jeff Demarest) volunteered to serve on a MiTT there which is, how should I put this, very selfless.  His team is trying to get their mascot Grizzly back to the US before she’s euthanized by the unit replacing them or the local Afghans.  He has started a blog to solicit assistance… they have a long way to go as far as financial support and the process of getting a dog to the US from Afghanistan is, as would be expected, rather pricey.  Take a look at his site, read the story, look at the pictures, and if you can, send a few dollars his way to help them out.  I know he’ll appreciate it.  So will Grizzly.

Save Grizzly!

UPDATE: If you’re having trouble linking to the area where you can actually donate from the Save Grizzly site itself, click here.

Uncategorized

That title is admittedly misleading.  I’m sure there are some very strange and very disappointed Googlers reading this right now.

Can anyone enlighten me as to why the NFL decided to suspend Michael Vick for the first three games of the season?  I find it perplexing.  If the time he spent in prison wasn’t sufficient punishment, then why didn’t the State sentence him to a longer sentence?  I don’t get it.  Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think dog fighting is acceptable by any stretch.  But what was the basis for his suspension if not to punish him more for something he was already punished for?  I’m not a fan of that.  I’m sure it was to appease PETA and other animal rights groups.  What the NFL failed to take into consideration is the fact that nobody in PETA watches the NFL because PETA is entirely comprised of middle-aged single women and homosexuals.  That’s a fact by the way.  I got it from the last census.

The first shot today is of a scale replica of Fat Boy, the nuclear bomb which was dropped over Nagasaki, Japan.  I just find it astounding that the US dropped a nuclear bomb on Japan.  It sounds so ridiculous now.  The second shot is more abstract and is of some naked tree branches against a bright blue sky over Lake Michigan near Lincoln Park in Chicago.

Abstract, Chicago, IL, White Sands, NM

The shot today is, quite apparently, of the Capitol Building in D.C.  I took this in January, two or so weeks before President Obama’s inauguration.  If you look at the columned dome, you can see what appears to be freedom emanating in the form of light.  It’s not.  That’s actually liquified tax dollars being jettisoned into the atmosphere.  Pretty soon, people will be able to get a free breakfast and lunch at their local public school (this is an existing program in El Paso, TX mind you), march on down to the neighborhood McHospital with full tummies and get free health care, then gallivant on down to the supermarket and use their welfare and food stamps to buy dinner.  Oh well… we can afford it.  It’s not like we have a national deficit.

Today a bunch of extreme bikers and skateboarders came to FOB Hunter and did all sorts of wacky things.  It was quite entertaining.  I’ll have photos up of that in the next couple days.

HDR, Washington D.C.

Last week I went to dinner at a local prominent Iraqi’s home.  It was, to say the least, quite an experience.  He invited us over to celebrate Iftar, or the daily meal with which Muslims break their daily Ramadan fasts.  During Ramadan, practicing Muslims do not eat, drink or smoke for the entire day.  Each night at sunset, they have a feast.  The quality and quantity of the food at the feast is entirely dependant upon the the individual hosting the Iftar.  The individual whose home we visited was, as they say, quite well to do.  The living room equivalent which we met and socialized in before dinner doubled as the dining room.  Couches and chairs lined the walls while the center of the room was left open for a table cloth and the dinner spread.  The food was laid out on a 30 or so foot long plastic table cloth which was set on the floor.  Family of the local leader brought the food out on large platters and evenly distributed it across the table cloth.  We had lamb and fish on beds of rice with raisins, vegetable dolma, fresh dates, unleavened bread, iced tea, watermelon, lentil soup, fresh fruit, sour yogurt and some other sides and desserts I can’t name.  It was very good to tell you the truth.  (When we pulled up in our humvees there was a concrete block covered in blood–earlier that day, in what essentially amounted to the front yard, the hosts had slaughtered the lamb for the dinner.)  The only utensils used are spoons, and they are used sporadically at most.  Most eating is done with the hands, and then, only the right hand as the left hand is filthy in the Islamic culture.  (At one point I accidentally reached for some fruit with my left hand and the Iraqi next to me groaned out loud as if to say “No, no, no, no….”  I switched hands before I grabbed anything.  He looked at me, gave me a thumbs up and exuberantly said ”OK!”)  After dinner the same people that brought the table cloth and food out removed it and everyone sat back down on the couches and chairs along the walls for chaiwhich is always served in tiny little cups.  Chai is basically super strong tea with profound amounts of sugar, and it’s a huge part of Iraqi culture–there’s always chai.  During the chai service most of the sheiks and guests smoked and sat around talking.  The specific job of the man whose home we were in is settling tribal disputes.  Some of the guests belonged to local tribes and took the opportunity to bring their troubles to the attention of the host for settling.  There was a lot of yelling.  I’m not sure if anything was resolved, though it would seem from the body language and unrest that whatever was concluded didn’t please the sheiks who sought resolution.  Needless to say, I didn’t get involved.  After the chai and subsequent small talk, it was time to leave.  We all stood up, shook hands, and took a group photo.  I, of course, am not in the photo, because I took it.  Some things never change.  Finally we left and drove back to our FOB.  It was a very cool experience.

There were 30 or so Iraqis at the dinner.  There were no women.

“Rick, all the faces in the photos are blurry.”  Let’s just say that there are people not far from me that would not be too happy if they knew local leaders were having dinner with Americans.  The JAM and insurgent groups are nothing if not adept at exploiting digital media and the Internet–I don’t need to help them.

The first photo is of the layout of the meal before we started eating; the second is of some of the sheiks sitting across from me.

Iraq

My coworkers and I have started identifying catch phrases which have saturated the Army’s vernacular.  Some of them likely permeate the “civilian sector” as well.  I wouldn’t really know since I’ve never worked for anyone but the government, and, more specifically, the Army.  (I enlisted in 2000, fully intending to get out immediately following my 2 year commitment.  That was nine years ago.)  People in the Army say some ridiculous things.  Enjoy.

Civilian Sector – The side of the fence with the really green grass.  In the civilian sector I even hear you can walk on said green grass… what a concept.

“Trackin’?” – “Do you understand what I just said?” or “Are you already on top of this?”  Indeed a very versatile phrase.

Shadow Track – This is a derivation of the classic “trackin’.”  This means you are supposed to stay abreast of something even though you’re not really responsible for it.  When someone sends you an e-mail that tells you to “shadow track” something, they may as well be sending you an e-mail that tells you to “delete this e-mail immediately.”

“I’m not gonna tell you how to suck the egg.” – “I’m not going to micro-manage you, just get it done.”  This one seems somehow offensive to me, though I’m not sure exactly how.  I think it’s the “gonna” part.  Improper English is offensive.

Azimuth Check – When you learn dismounted land navigation, (civilian terms: walking around in the wilderness with a map and compass), you use a lensatic compass.  Navigation requires “shooting an azimuth,” or pointing yourself in the correct direction using the map and compass.  If you walk too far and don’t check your azimuth, you’ll likely get off course.  So getting an “azimuth check” is a way to ensure you’re figuratively headed the right way.

“Are you smart on _______?” – “Are you capable of explaining _________ to me?”

Way Ahead – Where we go from here.  I hate this one.

Glide Path – This is a great one.  I don’t really have any idea what it means.  I think it means you’re on the path to finishing and there shouldn’t be any more problems… or the mission is driving itself perhaps?  I don’t know.  Someone needs to put me on the glide path to understanding glide path.  I hate “glide path” more than “way ahead,” and that’s really saying something.

Peeling Back the Onion – Figuring out what’s really going on by asking a bunch of questions catalyzed by the questions leading up to it.

Friction Point – Something that’s going to give us trouble.

“It is what it is.” – “I don’t feel like going into any further detail on the current topic of conversation so please drop it because you’re really starting to piss me off.  Seriously, I already know it sucks so quit complaining.  Go away.  You’re making me want to injure you.”  Or something to that effect.

Utilization – God forbid we say “use.”  In the Army nobody uses anything, they “utilize” it.

Orientate – An incorrect use of the word “orient.”  Example: “Let me orientate you to the training site.”  This is the Army equivalent of “irregardless.”

These were only a few of the little gems we in the Army hear almost every day.  If I can compile more I’ll expand your minds again later.  The photo today is of some buildings in Chicago which just caught my eye.  I think they’re office buildings where people in the civilian sector work.

Abstract, Chicago, IL

Man swimming; Venetian Hotel and Casino; Las Vegas; 2009.

Eva and I celebrated our 1 year anniversay on August 30th.  By celebrated I of course mean we woke up on separate FOBs on Sunday morning and talked to each other on Skype before we went to work.  Isn’t that what you mean when you mention a celebration?  No?  Weird.

I can’t wait for R&R.  This place is getting tedious.  I feel like a manager in the Redundancy Department of Redundancy.  Bill Gates may be a genious and a philanthropist but he should be shot for proliferating PowerPoint.

Las Vegas, NV