Hi, my name is Rick.

I’ve been negligent in my updating of this fine web site.  I know many of you check this site 2, 3, sometimes 4 times a day seeking my enlightenment.  Sometimes I check the site myself, hoping someone of comparable wit and verbal capacity has hacked and updated it to likewise enlighten me.  Unfortunately this rarely happens.  Sometimes I check the site forgetting that I recently updated it, and I’m wowed by what I read to the point of hyperventilation and profuse brow sweating.  Then I realize it’s just my own words having that effect on me and I’m instantaneously let down, my soul overcome with a profound feeling of grief and emptiness as I realize that only I can have that effect on man and I silently weep for humanity’s lack of humanity.  But enough about you.

Today I’ve decided to once again lavish this page with images of my young son George.  But first, another installment of If Babies Were Adults!

If babies were adults, there would be no HD TV.  There would likely not even be TV at all as everyone would instead fixate endlessly on seemingly innocuous and boring inanimate objects.

If babies were adults, the term “shitting the bed” would no longer be a pejorative but rather an illustration of that which is not even remotely out of the ordinary.  For example: “Mike really shit the bed last night.”  “Really?  How so?”  “He shit in his bed.”  And so on.

If babies were adults, it would not be weird for a complete stranger to walk up to them and ask if it would be alright to smell their head.

If babies were adults, eye contact would never be awkward.

If babies were adults, the possessed girl in The Exorcist wouldn’t have projectile vomited for effect because projectile vomiting is just shitting the bed.

Augusta, GA, Cell Phone Shots, Eva, GRC IV, If Babies Were Adults, Rick

A quote I’ve been meaning to post for some time:

“Unfortunately I’m not a person, I’m an attorney.”
     – Mark Lippman, Casey Anthony’s parent’s lawyer

George is doing great.  Not sleeping very much (at least not at night), but he’s healthy and doing well.  In the last two weeks he gained 6 percent of his body weight.  That would be like me gaining 11 pounds in two weeks.  Or Rosie O’Donnell gaining 21.  You get the idea.

Over the course of my limited fathering experience I’ve had many revelations about babies.  Most of them are not very revelatory at all, at least not in the true sense of new discovery.  I did have an idea that does seem new however.  I will start it here and now:

If Babies Were Adults

If babies were adults, men could wear dresses as long as the dresses were blue.  Assumption: said men are heterosexual and the dress is therefore novel.

If babies were adults, they would have 5 different chairs which they would try to sit in at night and none of them would be comfortable.  They would complain until someone brought them a snack.  Then they would go to sleep.  Repeat.

If babies were adults, they would fall asleep at the wheel.  Every time.

If babies were adults, they would all be androgynous.  Bar pick-ups and relationships would occur entirely based upon a shirt color and/or the presence or lack of a pink barrette hair bow.

If babies were adults, no one would invite them to parties because they would drink 1 beer and pee their pants.  Then when the host tried to help them, they would barf on the host.

More to follow.

The photos today were snapped with my handy dandy Droid cell phone.  They are of George.  And a prison bus.

Augusta, GA, Cell Phone Shots, GRC IV, If Babies Were Adults