I’ve been negligent in my updating of this fine web site. I know many of you check this site 2, 3, sometimes 4 times a day seeking my enlightenment. Sometimes I check the site myself, hoping someone of comparable wit and verbal capacity has hacked and updated it to likewise enlighten me. Unfortunately this rarely happens. Sometimes I check the site forgetting that I recently updated it, and I’m wowed by what I read to the point of hyperventilation and profuse brow sweating. Then I realize it’s just my own words having that effect on me and I’m instantaneously let down, my soul overcome with a profound feeling of grief and emptiness as I realize that only I can have that effect on man and I silently weep for humanity’s lack of humanity. But enough about you.
Today I’ve decided to once again lavish this page with images of my young son George. But first, another installment of If Babies Were Adults!
If babies were adults, there would be no HD TV. There would likely not even be TV at all as everyone would instead fixate endlessly on seemingly innocuous and boring inanimate objects.
If babies were adults, the term “shitting the bed” would no longer be a pejorative but rather an illustration of that which is not even remotely out of the ordinary. For example: “Mike really shit the bed last night.” “Really? How so?” “He shit in his bed.” And so on.
If babies were adults, it would not be weird for a complete stranger to walk up to them and ask if it would be alright to smell their head.
If babies were adults, eye contact would never be awkward.
If babies were adults, the possessed girl in The Exorcist wouldn’t have projectile vomited for effect because projectile vomiting is just shitting the bed.