**UPDATE** I added a video of George we took a week or so ago whilst feeding him peas. We just recently started feeding him solids. It has been… interesting. That makes this update contain a grand total of 1 HD video and 16 magnificent photographs. That should be good until February. **UPDATE**
I’m surprised how many people have mentioned to me that they noticed I hadn’t updated the site recently. I’ve been fairly busy in recent days. Regardless, I took the hint, and, as such, have decided to post a smattering of iPhone pictures of young George et al. Many of these photos, though not all, were processed with Instagram.
“Rick, this is a cop out,” one might say. “We want something of substance. Something moving. Something that gives us such an unsolicited visceral response that we’re not even sure what happened and yet remain fixated and awestruck. We need to be simultaneously confused and left starving for more. Leave us lost in what we believe are our ‘own thoughts’ until we realize it is nothing more than a constructed consciousness you have deftly crafted in our minds from afar,” one might also say. “Are you gonna’ update your website soon?” is most probable, but who knows? You people are verbose.
The beauty of this website is that it not only serves as a medium for me to share pictures of our young son, but it likewise simultaneously serves as an online backup. Don’t like seeing so many pictures/videos of George? Don’t come to the site anymore. It bothers me not at all.
I’ve been negligent in my updating of this fine web site. I know many of you check this site 2, 3, sometimes 4 times a day seeking my enlightenment. Sometimes I check the site myself, hoping someone of comparable wit and verbal capacity has hacked and updated it to likewise enlighten me. Unfortunately this rarely happens. Sometimes I check the site forgetting that I recently updated it, and I’m wowed by what I read to the point of hyperventilation and profuse brow sweating. Then I realize it’s just my own words having that effect on me and I’m instantaneously let down, my soul overcome with a profound feeling of grief and emptiness as I realize that only I can have that effect on man and I silently weep for humanity’s lack of humanity. But enough about you.
Today I’ve decided to once again lavish this page with images of my young son George. But first, another installment of If Babies Were Adults!
If babies were adults, there would be no HD TV. There would likely not even be TV at all as everyone would instead fixate endlessly on seemingly innocuous and boring inanimate objects.
If babies were adults, the term “shitting the bed” would no longer be a pejorative but rather an illustration of that which is not even remotely out of the ordinary. For example: “Mike really shit the bed last night.” “Really? How so?” “He shit in his bed.” And so on.
If babies were adults, it would not be weird for a complete stranger to walk up to them and ask if it would be alright to smell their head.
If babies were adults, eye contact would never be awkward.
If babies were adults, the possessed girl in The Exorcist wouldn’t have projectile vomited for effect because projectile vomiting is just shitting the bed.
This title is actually fitting as we recently received young George’s social security card. Yes George: you’re 4 weeks old and Big Brother is already watching.
Speaking of disasters: I still honestly don’t understand what people don’t understand about a flat tax. Mr. Obama says people need to pay their fare shares. I agree. But in 1987, the richest 1% paid roughly 25% of all income taxes, while the bottom half paid 6%. Twenty years later, the richest 1% paid 40% of all income taxes and the bottom half paid under 3%. And it’s only gotten worse. 51% of the population pays zero income taxes. Zero. And yet they can vote for politicians that support entitlement programs funded by tax payers. It legitimately makes me sick.
Here are a few things that don’t make me sick however!
A quote I’ve been meaning to post for some time:
“Unfortunately I’m not a person, I’m an attorney.”
– Mark Lippman, Casey Anthony’s parent’s lawyer
George is doing great. Not sleeping very much (at least not at night), but he’s healthy and doing well. In the last two weeks he gained 6 percent of his body weight. That would be like me gaining 11 pounds in two weeks. Or Rosie O’Donnell gaining 21. You get the idea.
Over the course of my limited fathering experience I’ve had many revelations about babies. Most of them are not very revelatory at all, at least not in the true sense of new discovery. I did have an idea that does seem new however. I will start it here and now:
If Babies Were Adults
If babies were adults, men could wear dresses as long as the dresses were blue. Assumption: said men are heterosexual and the dress is therefore novel.
If babies were adults, they would have 5 different chairs which they would try to sit in at night and none of them would be comfortable. They would complain until someone brought them a snack. Then they would go to sleep. Repeat.
If babies were adults, they would fall asleep at the wheel. Every time.
If babies were adults, they would all be androgynous. Bar pick-ups and relationships would occur entirely based upon a shirt color and/or the presence or lack of a pink barrette hair bow.
If babies were adults, no one would invite them to parties because they would drink 1 beer and pee their pants. Then when the host tried to help them, they would barf on the host.
More to follow.
The photos today were snapped with my handy dandy Droid cell phone. They are of George. And a prison bus.
Well the due date has come and gone, and as of this writing Eva is still very much pregnant. Below are three child related shots: one of Eva as of yesterday, one of George’s current and final room set up, and one of an ice cream van that I would never let George even look at let alone approach. This person’s business model bucks societal norms and people’s intrinsic risk aversion. He has put minimal effort into image and seems to not really care much about the perception of potential patrons. His products look shoddy and out of date. He deserves a bail out.
Eva is due this Friday. That’s crazy. At her appointment last week, the doctor said: “We’ll schedule you an appointment for next Tuesday in case you’re still pregnant by then. I don’t think you will be, but just in case.” Apparently we’re going to have a baby soon. Here are some pictures.
The photo below is what a day at the office looks like for me right now. It’s hard to refer to this as work. Not in the sense of “man, this is so much fun, I can’t even call it work." More like “this is bizarre; there’s no way this can be my job.”
As I was driving home from “work” the other day, I got behind an SUV with one of those stick figure families emblazoned on the lower left corner of the rear window. There was a wife, a father with a golf bag, a few kids and of course a dog and cat. My aunt Mary says they should have more realistic representations of families, with yelling parents, crying babies and puking dogs. I think, at a minimum, they need to have fat wives. Hideous, bovine-formed women with their hair in unwashed loose pony tails, wearing round bifocals and ghastly, enormous t-shirts emblazoned with images of the American flag and/or zoo animals. That would be the most realistic. I drove up beside the SUV. It was confirmed.
And now, a public service announcement:
Dear Army Wife,
Please remove the “Half My Heart Is In (insert horrible country name here)” sticker from your car. Once you take it off, please replace it with a sticker which similarly says “My husband is out of town now and will continue to be gone for the foreseeable future. Probably months. Please follow me home and see where I live alone. I am also defenseless and wholly unprepared for violent confrontation.” Also get rid of the “Army Wife” sticker. No one cares. Thank you.
UPDATE! A new picture of Eva at 38 weeks is below! Enjoy. UPDATE!
Eva is at 36 weeks which, by my advanced math, makes her 9 months pregnant even though she’s due in a month. I still don’t fully understand the gestational math. Apparently the baby is due at 40 weeks which is the end of the 10th month. The first month must be month 0. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. Eva is quite pregnant and will likely have our baby here in the not too distant future. We’re very, very excited.
Speaking of young George Richard Cook IV: below you can see a super awesome panorama of his room as well as individual detail shots of some items of interest. The panorama didn’t exactly stitch together flawlessly but it works. First of all, the theme of the room is sports. That might not be overwhelmingly apparent at first glance. Near the door is a framed Super Bowl poster of the Steelers from the 2005 season. That was one of their 6 victories which is, as you all undoubtedly know, the most of any team in the NFL. No big deal. Young George will be indoctrinated with a Steelers mentality from birth.
Immediately to the right of that magnificent poster is a pine primitive antique desk Eva and I picked up here in Augusta. It has ink well stains in the top drawers. I currently use the desk for my homework but George will use it in the future for his. The chair is an antique Heywood-Wakefield from an old Georgia courthouse. Above the Bahamian conch shell and small golf bag lamp is a sketch of my Dad’s jet from when he was a flight instructor in the Air Force. The changing table is a repurposed oak dresser made in the late 1800’s/early 1900’s by the Louisiana furniture company Crescent Line. Eva painted the “GRC” letters on the wall and I think they look great.
The picture on the left side of the crib is a collage of pictures of Eva and I from birth through age 13 which Eva’s Mom put together for us. The photo on the right of the crib is one which hung on my sisters Erin and Laura’s bedroom wall when they shared a room in Nebraska. The crib is walnut and colonial in style. The bedding is neutral so we can re-use it with other kids. The giant bear is from a family friend named Tae and we got it at George’s shower which my sister Erin graciously planned and orchestrated for us in Hilton Head at our Grandparent’s house. The basket at the bear’s feet (paws?) holds some toys and sports equipment which George will eventually play with. The cross over the window is a gift from my grandmother Mimi and is from Jerusalem.
The sports themed wall art is from a store in El Paso that sells everything for 90% off. This sounds great, but they likewise mark everything up 80 or 90% before reducing it. The square soccer art for example cost us 15 or 20 bucks. The sticker price was 120 or so. The store is actually quite comical; chock full of shoddily constructed “art” and “sculptures.” I digress. The leather chair is for Eva to nurse George in and for her to sit in while he plays and/or rolls around in his room before he’s mobile. We have an identical chair in our bedroom downstairs for when George initially sleeps in a travel crib in our room to make Eva’s many wake-ups and midnight nursing sessions as palatable as possible.
Below the photos of George’s room are some shots of Eva in her current pregnant state. Enjoy.