Hi, my name is Rick.

Have you ever actually been helped by the police?  I haven’t.  I’ve had items stolen which I reported, and they didn’t help me at all.  The absolute only interaction I’ve ever had with the police is when they have been ticketing me.  It’s not that I received a ticket recently (which I didn’t), but it just seems to me that the police have at some point in the last 50 or so years transitioned from a force which “Serves and Protects” to a force that essentially tickets people.  Honestly, send me an email or comment if you’ve ever actually been helped by the police.  I simply haven’t.

Oh, and everyone can stop worrying about the oil spill: President Obama has established an investigative commission.  I like where this is heading.  Who cares about solving the problem?  Not me.  Let’s just fine some rich people.

I caught this little gem from our fantabulous local news reporter Kai Porter here in El Paso the other day: “One of the girls, who was in a coma, is able to move her arms and her legs on the left side of her body, but not on the right side of her body.”  Good work Kai.  And sweet name.  By the way, “Kai” is a “man.”

The shot today is of Eva and I in Palestine.

Eva, Paris, France, Rick

“…until at last there had sprung into existence a great Ku Klux Klan, a veritable empire of the South, to protect the Southern country.”
               — Woodrow Wilson
                   Creator of Mother’s Day.  And the federal reserve.  And income taxes.  What a great American.

Speaking of Woodrow Wilson.  Does no one else see the unintentional irony of Progressive Insurance advertising on Fox News?

Students near San Francisco were told to leave school on “Cinco de Mayo” because they were wearing shirts emblazoned with American flags.  So… they were told to leave an American school for wearing shirts with the American flag.  It makes me so incredibly angry to type that… I’m just going to stop.

Did you know that Chinese products are so cheap because the Chinese government subsidizes a lot of production?  I bet you didn’t know that.  It makes me not feel so bad for shopping at Wal-Mart.  Not that I felt bad to begin with.

I love certificates of authenticity.  They mean that whoever you bought the crap you have from certifies it.  Ridiculous.

Fact: If you wear a pinkie ring, you’re a douche bag.

The photo today is one of my favorites of Eva and I.  It’s of us in Korea.  Not Seoul.  A little further north.

Eva, Rick

Circa 1999.

Getting ready to pop smoke.  If you know what that means then great; if not, standby for future updates in the very near future.

I flew to Adder a week ago in a Blackhawk.  As we banked into a 75 or so degree turn, I looked out the window which made the marsh below appear much like a giant wall mural.  I saw a man pushing himself along with a large stick in a small wooden canoe.  The canoe was full of harvested reeds.  I couldn’t help but be struck by the disparity between us in the helicopter and him in the canoe.  Just a thought.

Rick

After the following email, Michael Collins never wrote back.  I think I might have taken it too far.

From: Rick
Date: Fri, 19 Feb 2010 05:22:30 -0700
Subject: Re: Identification: You yell “Ooyester”
To: Michael Collins <jdcertifiedconsultant@gmail.com>

“Michael,

I thanks to you.  This is an excitement time for us!  How much money we will make together!  Yahoo!

Thank you for your information to me, thank you.  I am so excited to hear of the “accumulated interest” for the past years.  I don’t even remember that I made an investment but if the interest is due to me then how excellent!  I am lucky you found me on the internets!  There are so many internets and you found me on the one I use.  What luck!  Please use the address on the ID I provided to further process the informations with the law attorney.  Unfortunately my official goverment job is of so secret a level that I can’t have a phone.  I hope we can continue with the investements of opportunity by working on the email on this internets.  Please advice!

Please, if it is not too much to ask, can we begin using code names for our emailing?  I am starting to get nervous about spies.  I will begin using the name “Meredith the Lionheart”.  Please advice me what code name you will use.

If I send you more money, will you be able to invest it for the 30% you said I can get with the investment stock return money option?  Please!  I like to strike while the kettle is black.

Thank you again.

My favorite quote is: “This is the most fun, the most glory, the most of everything.  Now pass me the wine you toad fingered shallot.  I will drink it to you, and me.  And poetry too!”  – Shake Spear

Thank you,
Meredith the Lionheart”

The picture today is one that my civilian friends and family will think is quite cool, but one which my Army friends and co-workers will make fun of me to no end for posting.  So be it.  It’s of me near the Iraqi Department Of Border Enforcement border fort of Al Hwuza about 15 or so km from the Iranian border.  I went to the border fort to inspect some work which the contractor had “completed.”  You have not seen shoddy work until you’ve seen contracted Iraqi work.

Iraq, Leonardo Matilda Shukran, Rick

Yesterday at dinner I said “You know, the best thing about neck tattoos is that you never regret them.”  I stand by that assessment.  I’ll be looking into getting a neck tattoo when we redeploy.  I think I’ll be going with the Chinese symbol for “Honor” or perhaps the name “Candi.”  I’ll let you know what I decide on.

A quick Arabic lesson for everyone that hasn’t spent much time in the Arabic speaking world: Allahu Akbar! = Run and/or Hide

Read this article my co-worker Juan wrote.  I’m quoted in it.  Let me say that when I carefully crafted the quote, I was hoping to elicit one of two very specific responses from readers.  For those that know me, I was hoping they’d read the quote and think, “Oh that Rick, he’s just so ridiculous.  What a silly quote.”  For those that don’t know me, I was hoping they’d read the qote and think “Seriously?  What a gay.”  What group do you fit into?

The shot today is one which Eva took of me at the White Sands Missile Museum in New Mexico.  I think it came out really cool.

Rick, White Sands, NM

Abstract, Rick

The saga continues.
“Where the hell is my scorpion?”  We’d left him, again, on the shelves near my roommates bed.  He was dead, and, as such, unlikely to escape.  Or so we thought.  We started combing the room for the resurrected scorpion.

“What the hell is that?”  Said my roommate–the one who’d been stung.  “What?”  I asked, making my way over to the shelves on his side of the room at which he was looking quizzically.  “This,” he said, pointing to some little black dots on the top of his shelves, “these little black things right here.”  We looked at them and thought for a bit.

We have mouse traps set up all over our room.  One day a few weeks ago while my roommate and I were studying up on our Army doctrine and counter-insurgency techniques, (read: playing Gears of War 2), a mouse zipped across the floor, apparently realized he was out in the open and in the light, spun like a furry top and raced back into the hidden darkness under a bed.  It took this little event recurring exactly once for us to realize the bugger would likely complete the trifecta, and we set up the aforementioned traps.  Since then we’ve caught the little bugger.  Don’t worry PETA, he went quick.  I doubt he felt much and, in all likelihood, even enjoyed a final smidgen of peanut butter before the spring powered metal rod catapulted down on his rodent spine, snapping his mousy neck and leaving him lifelessly pinned to a dull and miniature mouse guillotine.  A few days later the scorpion struck with a fury.  Was it reciprocity?  Perhaps vengeance?  We can only speculate.

“What the hell is that?”  We were staring at the tiny black sprinkles.  Finally, “I know what that is dude,” said my roommate.  “It’s mouse $#!T.”  Sure enough.  Rodent excrement.  And it was on the shelf leading to what had been the final resting place of the regaled scorpion of terror and no mercy.  But said dead scorpion was now gone.  We believe the mouse that defecated on my roommates shelves absconded with the corpse as a snack.  Perhaps in the land of mice, dead scorpion is a delicacy.  Perhaps the mouse gave the scorpion mouth-to-mouth and miraculously resuscitated him.  This is all speculation.  What we do know is that the scorpion is gone.  Again.

A little slice of heaven.
On Wednesday last week I flew to Tallil Air Base where Eva lives.  I was there from Wednesday afternoon through Friday.  I got there on a Blackhawk and the total travel time was four and a half hours.  In 130 degrees.  In all my gear.  And gloves.  It was worth it though.  The picture today is of Eva and me on Thursday night, the night before I flew back to FOB Hunter.  If you don’t know where FOB Hunter is, it’s about 20 km or so south of Al Amarah.  The next time I’m supposed to see her is in Novemeber for R&R, but who knows… maybe I’ll luck out again.  Rest assured that if I do, you’ll read about it here.

Eva, Iraq, Rick

Below is another shot I got of the bean in Chicago; there are infinite photo ops there in Millennium Park.  This became evident to my Dad and Eva as they stood by, patiently at first, whilst I took picture after picture after picture.  I consider this shot a self-portrait.

On an interesting note, Eva was able to fly out to my location the other day.  She arrived in a Blackhawk helicopter with a multitude of other people who came to my tiny little outpost to slum it up for the day.  I only got to see her for about two hours and we spent the majority of our time together in a meeting, walking around my base so she could see what he have (she actually came out here to complete a legitimate professional function), or hanging out in my office.  Regardless, it was great.  The second shot is one I grabbed of us while we sat in my office.

Editor’s Note:  Wily readers, and frequenters of this fine online publication, may note, correctly, that I am without moostaash in the second photo.  Let me explain.  Eva tried to surprise me with her visit; she failed to consider that I, like many of you readers, am also rather wily.  I saw through the charade immediately.  There were myriad clues which foretold her arrival, thereby defeating her attempts at said surprise.  She was working in conjunction with my Commander who, I would be remiss were I to not mention, had a hand in blowing said surprise as well.  Blowing the surprise was a group effort; going into the specific clues which effected said blown surprise would serve no purpose other than to confuse the, while wily, (as compared to the superior intellect of yours truly), simpleton minds of this site’s patrons.  Trust that the clues were aplenty.  I discussed with my Commander my summation that Eva was en route and he feigned defeated anger.  The cover being blown as it was, he also told me that Eva had sneakily requested that I both bathe and shave my moostaash prior to her arrival; given the planned surprise, my Commanderwas to somehow pass on these two requests without my realizing there was an alterior motive involved.  The showering was easy enough; I was overdue as it was.  The moostaash was a different story.  Judging by the picture below, however, you can see that I ultimately opted to shave as requested by my wife.  That’s true love, people.

Worry not.  The Moostaash shall return, and this time, it’s for real.

Abstract, Chicago, IL, Eva, Iraq, Rick

Well I finally have a photo to post.  It’s not so much that I finally took a photo I consider good enough to post, but rather I finally took a picture at all which would facilitate the posting of said picture.  That was admittedly too many words.  And I didn’t even take this picture… a friend of Eva’s named Tina took it for us.  As though an explanation is necessary, this is Eva and I in Kuwait.  If it doesn’t look hot then the picture is deceiving.  We’re at Camp Buehring, and it could most certainly be a lot worse.  There are plenty of facilities here to occupy the cornucopia of unoccupied time we currently have available.  We spend about 4 hours in the DFAC (Dining Facility) every day, and whatever other time we have available is spent wandering about looking for minimally occupied common areas which have air conditioning.  We’ve discovered that air condition is paramount.  Not very Meriwether Lewis, but an important realization just the same.

Quick side note: if you would like a copy of the picture, click here to get to the large size on Flickr and then just click the ‘Download the Large size’ link right above the shot.  Also, you can click the picture itself to see my photostream and some of my more recently posted photos.  (”Recently” here is a relative term.)

What gainfully employed time we do have is spent in mandatory training; “checking the block,” so to speak, before we head up north into Iraq.  We’ve learned about IEDs, Fratricide, Humvee and MRAP rollovers so far… real sunshine and rainbow stuff, let me tell ya.  However, it is necessary and applicable so overall it was all probably good.  Fortunately, almost all of the training Eva and I have had to do has coincided, so we’ve been hanging out more or less all day, every day for the last week.  Not too shabby.  People are jealous.

We’re both heading north here in a few days.  We leave the same day, potentially on the same flight, and might be at the same base in Iraq for all of two days.  We could just as easily part ways as soon as we hit the ground in Iraq.  It’s not impossible to tell, but damn near.

We’ve actually seen a lot of people we know from West Point here in Kuwait.  Most of them are aviators from the 1st Cavalry Division.  People we’ve seen, in no particular order, are: Jason McCoy, Grant Cloaninger, Kevin Britt, Mike Hahn-Conti, Dave Park, Nick Fullmer, Tina Chong, and a dude I went to high school with named Marty Davis who’s a Specialist in the Wisconsin National Guard.  Of all the people we’ve seen, seeing Marty Davis was the craziest.  Seeing classmates from West Point is expected; seeing classmates from Horlick High School is decidedly not.

So that pretty much sums up the last week.  Yes, it has been 4 short paragraphs worth of activity.  I suppose I could describe the actual deployment out of Ft. Bliss too.  Here it goes: we waited at the airport on Ft. Bliss, we got on a plane and flew to Bangor, Maine where we waited, we  flew to Shannon, Ireland where we waited, we flew to Kuwait City, Kuwait which looked strikingly similar to El Paso and Ft. Bliss where we waited, then we got on a bus and drove to Camp Buehring where we disembarked and continue to wait.  There ya’ go.

The “Stars and Stripes,” while likely sounding to you like a WWII anachronism, is in reality a wonderful resource here.  It’s a great (albeit oftentimes the only) source of news and it’s free in deployed areas.  As I’m new in theater, I’m still amused by the weather forecasts contained in the “Stars and Stripes” daily.  Here is today’s forecast: “Hot today with sunshine and patchy clouds.  High 100 to 106.  Winds east-southeast 8-16 mph.  Partly cloudy and very warm tonight.  Low 80 to 86.  Winds north-northeast 6-12 mph.”  And it’s not even summer yet.

Well I hope that was enjoyable.  Expect similarly long winded, somewhat disjointed descriptions of the happenings in Kuwait and Iraq as time goes on.  Updates will continue to be sporadic for the foreseeable future, so keep checking back… you never know when I’ll bless this page again with my sharp wit and cunning logic, thereby quenching your thirst for quality commentary.  If you’d like to send Eva and I an email, click the ‘About & Contact’ tab at the top of the page and use the email form there.  Talk to you soon.

Surpise!  Another photo!  I posted this to see if any of you found it as novel as I did.

Eva, Kuwait, Point & Shoot, Rick

My dad took this shot of my sisters and I in Pittsburgh.  We were all there for an engagement party my aunt and uncle threw for Eva and I.  If you know us, our poses pretty well illustrate our personalities.  From left to right Laura, Erin, me.

Pittsburgh, PA, Rick

This is Eva and I on a balcony of the hotel in Seoul we stayed in; it was the honeymoon gift from our friends that I mentioned in my post about 5 days ago.  Scroll down and review if you so choose.  Or click here to see the page without actually scrolling and then go ahead and revel in your abject laziness.  We took this the same night I took the grainy (intentionally so) shot of the moon and its (her?) reflection.  We posed for this with my camera perilously and precariously balanced on the edge of a damp metal hand rail with the timer set.  The trick is this: Aperture Priority with flash.  Pose vewy, vewy still and the flash grabs the people in the foreground while the aperature stays open to capture the lights in the background.  Easy!  *winky emoticon*

(I realize it would have been easier to actually make a winky emoticon thusly but I submit there is precisely zero comic value in that.)

Eva, Rick, Seoul, Korea

Some of you may very well remember a post on this wonderful site not too long ago which featured a link to Eva standing “too close to the wrong end of a baby elephant.”  Regardless of your ability or inability to recall inconsequential, arbitrary web content, I will take the time to briefly recap: it featured an overtly creepy Thai man staring at Eva.  Should you care for a refresher, here it is.

Following the photo featuring (alliteration intended) Eva, the elephant, and Creepo, Eva and I posed for a shot with the elephant.  Unfortunately this photo also featured the aforementioned Creepo.  I decided to “Photoshop him out.”  This is something people say frequently without realizing that it is in fact quite difficult and time consuming to accomplish while maintaining a realistic appearance.  I gave it a go, and I’m quite happy with the results.  The top shot is the post-processed shot sans Creepo, and the bottom shot  is the original photo with Creepo.  Enjoy.

Eva, Phuket, Thailand, Rick

The squirrel’s in D.C. are quite daring as is evident.  This little bugger was snacking on a wayward piece of bread someone had discarded.  I saw him snacking away, minding his own business.  What was the first thing that came to my mind?  Obviously, “Hmm, I wonder how close I can get to that squirrel.”  So I crept.  Slowly…deftly…silently.  He stood fast, snacking and peering at me through his glassy black squirrel eye.  I un-shouldered my camera, ever so silently removed the lens cap, focused and snapped.  He didn’t move.  Neither did I.  Could I have gotten closer?  Yea, I could have stepped on his face.  But I didn’t.  There you go… the meaning of life.

Rick, Washington D.C.

I inadvertently snapped this of Eva and I in Vienna, Austria in front of what my Mom would have you believe is Parliament.  She told us every ornate building we saw was Parliament.  She was wrong.  Every time.  In Austria we stayed at a B&B run by a woman named Edith.  Edith was a holier than thou Austrian nationalist with a deep seeded disdain for all things American, an ability to convince herself that smoking was better for you that chocolate, and a proclivity for making crappy breakfasts and even crappier coffee.

Eva, Rick, Vienna, Austria

No, no, no… not the terrible and overtly unfunny Sunday cartoon.  The picture.  It’s my family.  In a circle.  Well most of ‘em anyhow.  No George.  *sad emoticon*

Step 1. Go to Germany.
Step 2. Go to the “Glockenspiel.” (read: “giant clock that is supposed to do cool things but doesn’t”)
Step 3. Place camera on ground, lens up, with timer set.
Step 4. Convince unwilling family to get into circle and look down at an inanimate object, with as little explanation as possible, and in less time than you set the timer for.
Step 5. Fin.

You see, intriguing photography really IS easy!  And how!

Eva, Munich, Germany, Rick

Granted, I’m biased.  But honestly… admit it… not only was it easily one of the, if not THE, greatest Super Bowls of all time, but it was quite possibly one of the greatest football games of all time.  Again, full disclosure, I might be somewhat slightly sort of biased.  But seriously.  Wow.

Oh and the Steelers now have more Super Bowl victories than any other team in the history of the NFL.  Ever.  Since it was invented.  Which was so long ago that all the pictures and film from back then are in black and white.  And there was no internet.  Or cell phones.  Yea… crazy.

El Paso, TX, Eva, Rick