Hi, my name is Rick.

Newt Gingrich made a great point earlier this week: he first mentioned how the U.S. constantly makes sure we don’t offend any other nation with our stances and policies.  That much is a given.  He continued on, however, to make a point which I had never considered… that being that we never concern ourselves with why the rest of the world couldn’t care less if it offends us.  We’re so wrapped up in ensuring we don’t do or say anything that may rub any other nation the wrong way that we fail to consider that we’re the only ones that act that way.  Since when did national self interest become something about which we had to defend ourselves?

Two photos this week.  One is a super duper processed shot of my dad and Eva in my parent’s condo in Chicago.  It’s HDR and textured.  The other is of the cobblestone road leading up to the porch of my parent’s first house in Aspinwall, a suburb of Pittsburgh.

Chicago, IL, Eva, HDR, Pittsburgh, PA

I’ve been unbelievably busy the last 3 or so weeks.  I have a new job which is above my pay grade (quite literally) and Sydney has been keeping us up at night.  Lots of work with little sleep does not a good combination make.  It’s getting better though.

The shots today are pretty random.  They have been sitting in my “Future Posts” folder for an indeterminate amount of time and I finally decided to post them all at once to get them out of that folder.  Could I have just removed them at any time?  Of course.  But they were in the “Future Posts” folder.  So I had to post them.  Obviously.

Abstract, Chicago, IL

Let me get this out first: I hate her.  Now… Let me tell you about the woman at GameStop.  I walked into the GameStop here on Ft. Bliss in search of a Guitar Hero guitar.  (That’s as much as I’m going to go into that.)  As soon as I walked into the store, the first thing I hear, overpowering all other noises and even most movement, was the terribly shrill and ridiculously loud voice of a woman.  “Johnathan.  Johnathan.  Johnathan.  What game do you want to reserve next?”  She already had three PlayStation 3 games in hand at the register, (that’s about $180 by the way), and she was asking her son what game he wanted to reserve next.  In other words, she was asking her out of shape little pockmarked spawn what game he wanted her to reserve so the minute it’s released they can pull their greasy hands out of their family size KFC chicken bucket and head on over to GameStop to buy it immediately.  That was enough to make me want to choke slam her.  Until she said this to the guy working at GameStop: “Do you know why we’re here?  Because Johnathan just tested into the gifted and talented program.”  Like the high school dropout making $8.50 an hour selling Splinter Cell spin-offs to up and coming GameStop employees gave a shit.  Then Johnathan chimed in: “Mom.  Mom.  Mom.  It’s just so hard; I don’t know what to reserve next.”  At this point I’m wondering why he doesn’t just use his superior intellect, logic, and as of yet unseen talents to determine what game he should get next.  Instead, his horrible mother answers, “Oh Johnathan, come on, you know you’re going to get them both.”  Mind you, the entire time this troglodyte was yapping about video games and her “gifted and talented” kids, she was at a constant decibel level of about 130.  I really wanted to punch her in the face.  Instead I just stood there angry and sweating, because that’s what adults do.

But enough anger.  The shot today is of the lovely Chicago skyline, posted in celebratory anticipation of our trip to Chicago tomorrow.  I snapped it about two years ago from, not surprisingly, a plane on approach into O’Hare.

Chicago, IL

“If it stings you, your heart can stop in 20 minutes.”

That’s how our resident doctor here on lovely FOB Hunter described a scorpion which one of our Air Force comrades found under his bed.  You see, creepy crawlies are so prevalent here that there are posters, well, posted around which have pictures of the more common, and, while not necessarily common, more dangerous critters as well.  The deadly vermin which our Zoomie brother discovered lurking below his mattress matched a scorpion on the top and most dangerous/deadly row.  Also, its name is, and I’m not making this up, the Death Stalker.  Awesome.  What I needed was a scorpion in the bedroom refresher course.

I’m reading ‘The Road’ by Cormac McCarthy right now.  It’s actually my roomate Lincoln’s and he hasn’t read it yet.  He’s on leave right now however, so as far as I’m concerned that means I can do whatever I want with anything he left behind.  He didn’t lock anything up.  In the Army I wouldn’t be guilty of using his stuff.  He’d be guilty of failing to secure his belongings.

The shot today is of, from L to R, my sister Erin, my wife Eva, my mom Julie, my sister Laura, and my grandmother Mimi.  The photo was taken in my parent’s condo in Chicago.  You know, Chicago, the place where all minority honor roll students are beaten to death.

Chicago, IL, Eva, Iraq

That title is admittedly misleading.  I’m sure there are some very strange and very disappointed Googlers reading this right now.

Can anyone enlighten me as to why the NFL decided to suspend Michael Vick for the first three games of the season?  I find it perplexing.  If the time he spent in prison wasn’t sufficient punishment, then why didn’t the State sentence him to a longer sentence?  I don’t get it.  Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think dog fighting is acceptable by any stretch.  But what was the basis for his suspension if not to punish him more for something he was already punished for?  I’m not a fan of that.  I’m sure it was to appease PETA and other animal rights groups.  What the NFL failed to take into consideration is the fact that nobody in PETA watches the NFL because PETA is entirely comprised of middle-aged single women and homosexuals.  That’s a fact by the way.  I got it from the last census.

The first shot today is of a scale replica of Fat Boy, the nuclear bomb which was dropped over Nagasaki, Japan.  I just find it astounding that the US dropped a nuclear bomb on Japan.  It sounds so ridiculous now.  The second shot is more abstract and is of some naked tree branches against a bright blue sky over Lake Michigan near Lincoln Park in Chicago.

Abstract, Chicago, IL, White Sands, NM

My coworkers and I have started identifying catch phrases which have saturated the Army’s vernacular.  Some of them likely permeate the “civilian sector” as well.  I wouldn’t really know since I’ve never worked for anyone but the government, and, more specifically, the Army.  (I enlisted in 2000, fully intending to get out immediately following my 2 year commitment.  That was nine years ago.)  People in the Army say some ridiculous things.  Enjoy.

Civilian Sector – The side of the fence with the really green grass.  In the civilian sector I even hear you can walk on said green grass… what a concept.

“Trackin’?” – “Do you understand what I just said?” or “Are you already on top of this?”  Indeed a very versatile phrase.

Shadow Track – This is a derivation of the classic “trackin’.”  This means you are supposed to stay abreast of something even though you’re not really responsible for it.  When someone sends you an e-mail that tells you to “shadow track” something, they may as well be sending you an e-mail that tells you to “delete this e-mail immediately.”

“I’m not gonna tell you how to suck the egg.” – “I’m not going to micro-manage you, just get it done.”  This one seems somehow offensive to me, though I’m not sure exactly how.  I think it’s the “gonna” part.  Improper English is offensive.

Azimuth Check – When you learn dismounted land navigation, (civilian terms: walking around in the wilderness with a map and compass), you use a lensatic compass.  Navigation requires “shooting an azimuth,” or pointing yourself in the correct direction using the map and compass.  If you walk too far and don’t check your azimuth, you’ll likely get off course.  So getting an “azimuth check” is a way to ensure you’re figuratively headed the right way.

“Are you smart on _______?” – “Are you capable of explaining _________ to me?”

Way Ahead – Where we go from here.  I hate this one.

Glide Path – This is a great one.  I don’t really have any idea what it means.  I think it means you’re on the path to finishing and there shouldn’t be any more problems… or the mission is driving itself perhaps?  I don’t know.  Someone needs to put me on the glide path to understanding glide path.  I hate “glide path” more than “way ahead,” and that’s really saying something.

Peeling Back the Onion – Figuring out what’s really going on by asking a bunch of questions catalyzed by the questions leading up to it.

Friction Point – Something that’s going to give us trouble.

“It is what it is.” – “I don’t feel like going into any further detail on the current topic of conversation so please drop it because you’re really starting to piss me off.  Seriously, I already know it sucks so quit complaining.  Go away.  You’re making me want to injure you.”  Or something to that effect.

Utilization – God forbid we say “use.”  In the Army nobody uses anything, they “utilize” it.

Orientate – An incorrect use of the word “orient.”  Example: “Let me orientate you to the training site.”  This is the Army equivalent of “irregardless.”

These were only a few of the little gems we in the Army hear almost every day.  If I can compile more I’ll expand your minds again later.  The photo today is of some buildings in Chicago which just caught my eye.  I think they’re office buildings where people in the civilian sector work.

Abstract, Chicago, IL

Firstliest, Eva came to see me at FOB Hunter on Saturday and was here until about 2 hours ago when I saw her off in a Black Hawk back to Tallil Air Base.  It was great to see her again.  We’ve been beyond lucky with the frequency with which we’ve been able to see each other thus far.  Granted this luck and frequency is the purest form of relativity imaginable, but we’re lucky just the same.

This is a shot of the Chicago skyline, looking more or less northwest from the Shedd Aquarium.  The effect you see is texturizing.  I superimposed a picture of a cracking and chipping wall I found in Seoul, Korea over the shot of the Chicago skyline.  I think it looks cool.  If you don’t, click here until the vindicating link pops up.  Oh, and that tall building on the left is the Sears Tower.  I dare you to tell me otherwise.

Chicago, IL

Scroll down a bit and look at the photo of the sign posted below so the rest of this makes sense…  So, what did I find strange about the sign?  Take a look at the face in the top right corner of the sign.  That, my friends, is Muqtada al Sadr.  If you scroll down to the 2006 section of that link (or click here) you’ll read about the al Sadr Mahdi army’s capture of Amarah.  Al Amarah is the nearest large city to where I am right now.  That probably explains the sign.  Either way, I’m not a big fan of seeing signs lauding, in any way, Mr. Muqtada.  He’s mean.  And his beard looks gross.

The photo today is an abstract shot from inside the loop in downtown Chicago.  Click the photo itself to check out my Flickr Photostream if you haven’t checked it out in a while.  It’s pretty sweet.  Trust me.

Abstract, Chicago, IL, Iraq

I walked outside today, breathed in through my nose, and it burnt.  Like in a sauna.  From the heat.  Because it’s hot.

This is Eva on the L in Chicago as we rode into the city from O’Hare.  It’s called the “L” because it’s an elevated train.  Which, I suppose, would mean it should be called the “El” which means “The” in Spanish which would then mean that it’s “The El,” or “The The.”  Weird.

Chicago, IL, Eva

Below is another shot I got of the bean in Chicago; there are infinite photo ops there in Millennium Park.  This became evident to my Dad and Eva as they stood by, patiently at first, whilst I took picture after picture after picture.  I consider this shot a self-portrait.

On an interesting note, Eva was able to fly out to my location the other day.  She arrived in a Blackhawk helicopter with a multitude of other people who came to my tiny little outpost to slum it up for the day.  I only got to see her for about two hours and we spent the majority of our time together in a meeting, walking around my base so she could see what he have (she actually came out here to complete a legitimate professional function), or hanging out in my office.  Regardless, it was great.  The second shot is one I grabbed of us while we sat in my office.

Editor’s Note:  Wily readers, and frequenters of this fine online publication, may note, correctly, that I am without moostaash in the second photo.  Let me explain.  Eva tried to surprise me with her visit; she failed to consider that I, like many of you readers, am also rather wily.  I saw through the charade immediately.  There were myriad clues which foretold her arrival, thereby defeating her attempts at said surprise.  She was working in conjunction with my Commander who, I would be remiss were I to not mention, had a hand in blowing said surprise as well.  Blowing the surprise was a group effort; going into the specific clues which effected said blown surprise would serve no purpose other than to confuse the, while wily, (as compared to the superior intellect of yours truly), simpleton minds of this site’s patrons.  Trust that the clues were aplenty.  I discussed with my Commander my summation that Eva was en route and he feigned defeated anger.  The cover being blown as it was, he also told me that Eva had sneakily requested that I both bathe and shave my moostaash prior to her arrival; given the planned surprise, my Commanderwas to somehow pass on these two requests without my realizing there was an alterior motive involved.  The showering was easy enough; I was overdue as it was.  The moostaash was a different story.  Judging by the picture below, however, you can see that I ultimately opted to shave as requested by my wife.  That’s true love, people.

Worry not.  The Moostaash shall return, and this time, it’s for real.

Abstract, Chicago, IL, Eva, Iraq, Rick

This statue is is downtown Chicago.  The painting was painted in Iowa in 1930, but was first displayed at the Art Institute of Chicago.  Critics panned it.  Ya’ learn something new every day.  Unless you’re me.  I only learn new things on Wednesdays.

I can’t believe the President shook Hugo’s hand.  Unbelievable.  He should have Three Stooges eye poked him and had Rahm-dog get on all fours behind old Hugo so he could shove him over Rahmmy like the clown he is.  Hugo being the clown there if you’re confused.  I think.  Who knows, they’re all ridiculous.  What a comedy.

Chicago, IL

As I walked down Astor on the north side of Chicago, I happened to glance down in the gutter and found this shot of the Chicago skyline.  It was absolutely filthy.  Covered in dirt and soot.  I wondered how old the image was… it couldn’t be too old what with the Sears Tower and all.  I decided to take it to the Northwestern University School of Chemistry and Biological Science Research Institute of Science for carbon dating of the soot.  Just about everyone with a brain knows the half life of the elemental base of soot (Li3O2) has a half life similar to that of peanut shells so it was fortunate that a peanut shell was stuck to the photo as well, serving as a rubric for the dating.  Dr. Patrick O’Flannery-McDougall ran the carbon dating, (ironically he’s actually a North Korean refugee that escaped to Ireland in 1953, changed his name to better fit in, and married an Irish gal who insisted on hyphenating their married surname).  He determined the photo dates back to 1974.  During the testing Dr. O’Flannery-McDougall also found an index finger fingerprint.  As of yet we’ve been unable to determine who the fingerprint belongs to.  If you look closely you can see the print just above the skyline on the far right side of the photo–click here to find the fingerprint on the large size of the photo.  I apologize for the clarity; this was the best I could clean it up before I scanned it.

Chicago, IL, Point & Shoot

I did some website maintenance yesterday, (thanks Greg and Mary Beth).  I decided to repost one of my recent photos that was adjusted to test the new/fixed settings.  Please let me know via the email contact form (with the tabs above) if the image appears normally and clearly. Also, since I’m tasking you anyhow, take a look back through my older posts and let me know if any of them are screwed up.  By screwed up I mean formatting, not content.  If you think the content is jacked, click here.  Thanks!

This is a sculpture in Millenium Park in downtown Chicago.  The sculptor named it “Cloud Gate.”  Chicago named it the bean because it looks like a giant, shiny, mirror bean.  Ask someone on State or Goethe where you can find “Cloud Gate” and they’ll look at you like you’re a dummy-dummy-dum-dum.  Ask them where the bean is, and they’ll tell you Millennium Park.  (Actually, if you Wikipedia “the bean” it takes you to the “Cloud Gate” page… that’s the only way I found out its real name.)

Chicago, IL

I saw this wascally wabbit snacking on some grass outside the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago.  He was so cute, so furry, so wascally.  Suddenly, a hawk swooped down from the sky, beak open and claws spread wide.  He careened toward the wabbit, obviously speeding in for the kill.  I held my camera in shaky hands, preparing as best I could for the wabbit destruction I was inevitably going to witness.  The wabbit snacked… the hawk swooped… I watched.  Incredibly, just as the hawk was about to reach the unassuming wabbit, the wabbit, living up to his wascallyness, Matrix back-flipped over the hawk and landed on his back feet, standing like a homo.  Homo erectus of course.  He stood there, briefly watching the hawk fly away in defeat, when he inexplicably whipped his little wabbit head around to the right so he was staring me down.  I turned away, awe struck and smitten with a sudden overwhelming fear.  I looked away for five, maybe six seconds.  I ever so slowly turned back around to see what the wabbit was doing.  Had he stood firm?  Was he creeping or rushing toward me to do me in?  Had he grown to immense proportions, threatening the safety of me and those in my immediate vicinity?  Nope.  He was gone.

Chicago, IL

Old Chicago slowly being replaced by New Chicago.  Bigger, shinier–more glass & steel and less stone & brick. Bummer.  I like the old buildings better.

Trump:  “You’re fired.”
Rick:  “Wait, what?  Why are you on my page in quotes?  Why am I in quotes?  None of this makes any sense.  How’d you get here?  I’m confused.”
Trump:  “You’re fired.”

Chicago, IL

These docks are in downtown Chicago near the Shedd Aquarium.  I took this in late March so there were no boats yet.  This is the first shot I’ve posted with my new 100-300mm Canon lens; the lens gives me a new and interesting perspective on things.  More to follow from that bad boy.

Doesn’t Madonna the dum-dum realize there are kids in the US that need adopted?  I wish Barney Frank would eat her.  Her and Nancy Pelosi.  I think he’d get sick from the Pelosi though… she looks like she went bad a while ago.

(If you’re having trouble seeing the whole image on your monitor, click the photo and check it out on Flickr.  BTW this works with all my photo postings LOL TTYL)

Abstract, Chicago, IL

There is a commercial on TV right now that breaks down the $800 billion stimulus bill.  It says that if you spent $1 million a day, every day, starting at the time Jesus was born all the way up to now, you still would not have spent the amount of money Congress did on the stimulus package.  I just checked.  The math is solid.  Intriguing.

This is the view of Lake Michigan from the eastern facing window of my parents condo on the north side of Chicago.  Living on the north side of Chicago means you like books.  Here’s a little linear flow chart to help that make sense:

Chicago’s North Side –means–> Cubs not Sox –means–> you can read –means–> you like books.

Chicago, IL

“On State Street that great street, I’d just like to say -
They do things that they never do on Broadway.”

          – Frank

Chicago, IL

This is the view from my parent’s condo in Chicago.  If you know the area, it’s on the north side about a block north of the intersection of State and Division.  If you really know the area, it’s right off Goethe, and if you really, really know the area you know that Goethe has a lot in common with Colonel.  If you don’t know the area too well then that admittedly strange and undeniably over tapered and drawn out reference made no sense so I’ll entertain you with this: Eva and I watched the premier of a show called Fringe on Tuesday night.  It was heinously horrendous, but, there was a girl fight.  A surprise girl fight wherein an unassuming housewife having lost the pistola she previously bore started dripping alligator tears only to sneak attack her arresting and heretofore unwitting secret-government-agency-agent, who, as previously stated, was also a female.  That’s when Eva, referring to the secret-agency-agent, said: “Dummy.  She didn’t know that bitch knew Kung Fu.”  Ahh, marital bliss.

Chicago, IL, HDR